today is the begining of a new week i love new weeks by the way. it gives me a fresh start to most of my happenings.
my girlfriend leaves on wednesday for university in canada. thats so sucks i know but we can visit each other but its tsill makes me sad. mm what to do? should i stay in it and hope it works out? should i ? well i love her to death and thats that so i guess im gonna.
dancing and all my activities are on a break. i feel so restless. i cant take it i love being active. i mean how else to doi get to burn calories.
N.B I AM ABOUT TO DISCUSS SOME PERSONAL MATTERS THAT HAVE AFFECT MY LIFE SO IF YOU DONT LIKE IT OR U THINK ITS STUID OR YOU ARE AGAINST IT PLEASE DONT BASH ME..IF SO KEEP UR NASTY COMMENTS TO YOURSELF! ITS MY LIFE AND THIS IS WHATS HAPPENING IN IT NOW
well as for my eating disorder issue yea my mom really clamp down on me but she isnt as worried as b4 becuse of what i weigh(by the weigh a truck load).
heres the thing in january i weighed in at 98lbs mm yea im 5ft 2inches so because of my not so good history with food my mom freaked.. and went to rehab(the story of my life blah) yea i have been out 4 months now and im said to be at a 'good weight'... whatever.
STATS.(lw-lowest weight, cw-current, gw-goal w, ugw-ultimate goal...)
lw-80lbs (scary even for me....but u know thats how it goes)
cw-118lbs(not happy at all)
ugw-100(i think thats what i can deal with without feeling like crap everyday...then will i be statisfied?)
gw1-116lbs
gw2-114lbs etc
yea im on a diet i mean seriously i told my mom how i feel. im just not comfortable at this weight.. that leads me to ask what ai ever gonna be comfortable with? yep the cycle continues. everyone is like come on hun u are tiny.. and why i cant i damn well see it!
my intake today
one veggie salad and a glass a water .... im done for the day!
i even feel bad and guilty when i had that salad. i know its hard for anyone reading this to even understand why in the first place but i dont know either. i hate it wen im full i hate it wen im satisfied and i just hate it... yea seriously only time i feel good or atleast not like shit is when im hungry or empty... thats just how it is.
i'm going to the movies with one of m friends.. but i get this weird notion that she likes me or something... its weird i mean im not even think of hooking up much less another relationship... but shekeeps call our outing a date...??? should i be alarmed?? lol i dunno i guess i'll see
well as for excercise. wanna go to the gym but its so bloody far from me. mm wow i wish i live in the area that my g/f lives where there are tracks where u can run cuz its all private.. i would run everyday for eternity. i will maybe just do some lit excercise in my room.(not satisfied but hey better than ntn)
